给我时间。。。

朋友们，也许你们不明白为什么，在我的思想方面，我的行动方面，在健康方面，很多我不能一一的告诉你们，因为我自己也不太清楚，我在挣扎，我在辛苦，我尽我所能把自己调整过来，我只需要的，是你们给我一些时间。

好像过了好久。。。

想回去，其实才过了两个月半而已，感觉上好想过了好久好久，可能是因为生活改变了吧，朋友的圈子也比较大了，想法也渐渐改变过来，目标也比较明确，还有好多好多的事情，把那空虚填满了，我想就这样把你真正的放下来，放下的期间不容易，但总算挨过了，谢谢你，让我珍惜我所有的。

Forget and move on...

I had made my best to save it, but i still can't get it back, not even a normal friendship, I used to be very realistic, I will give up fast on things or someone that are do no good to me , but this time I am having problem to brain wash myself, I am too serious, I put it too deep. I learnt a lesson this time, I have to observe and think carefully before doing any decision. I have been stubborn on these things, on and off, up and down, I must put a very big full stop here.

Thank You...

Thank God for a good friend like you, thank you for being there when I am in trouble.

放弃 （如你所愿）

从那一天开始，你从来没有一句问候的话，只看见你拼命地在逃，想尽办法离弃，就连那一点点的回忆你也想夺走，我没有把它留下的权力了。

God is in Control.

I have to keep remind myself that God is in Control no matter what happen, we just have to do what we should do as a christian. Pray and read Bible(trying hard to do it), A lot of things happen around me, my job, my fren, and sickness. No, i didn't fall sick, but a lot of my friend is, fever and flu, it look like God just poured down a plague to us, I beg God for mercy, forgive us, and heal us.

My job was a bit tough at the beginning, but now seems to have improvement and probably a promotion, I am happy, but I can't share my joy with my love one anymore, but I still thank God that He give me such opportunity, lot of fren around me having problem, in terms of relationship, work and other stress, few of them share with me, slowly, i think God is giving me the gift of caring, and i am learning to receive it. Hope these friend will be fine soon, and pray that God will bring blessing to them too. At the same time, I have my own problem also, but asking God to deal with it.... erm, i mean, uphold to Him, if not, i will die solving it by myself alone.

I sent out a last message to someone, everything God is in Control from here...
Peace....

Bridal Fair

Today didn't work much, just do few design, and rush to City Mall with Hong to help out, and to visit our sales team, they are doing good, well, at least better than me, this is my first time involved in this kind of event. I just stand there help them to give away leaflet to customer. aih...so sad la, haha, I realized that I am not able to social with strangers already, sales skill is louzy, hmm, I felt that even my smile is fake, aiyo, I don't have confidence, my outlook, my skill, fear of people, fear of rejection, quite some time didn't do sales already. But all my colleagues is very keen on making customer smile, of course I understand they have their own stress and people reject them too, but they have the spirit of getting what they want. I think my Boss ah Hong and Grace is happy with their employees as they doing a great job out there. Our fashion show is quite a success, those gowns are new, and they are pretty. Today's fair end at 9, we helped each other to undo the booth decoration, everyone's tired, left me Hang and Hong go to eat, we chat until 11.30 p.m. then only go home.

oh ya, I met Clara in the fair too, she is also involved in it, she work at the Sutera Habour booth, she look smart with her uniform.

hmm, I'll get some pic from the Bridal fair and upload it here soon.

Tomorrow is my dayoff, will busy though, there is somewhere i need to go, someone that I need to meet, and something that I need to fix.....(I think I like to fix thing..haha)

God know...

Saturday, busy but relax in my work place. Whole day working, but whole day thinking of going to church at night, reality is beyond my expectation. As usual, finish my job, fetching my colleague to City Mall, they are busy with the fair i mention previously. Tomorrow is the last day of the fair, I have to be there tomorrow night, because they need help to move things back to office after the show. hmm, maybe i will take some pic tomorrow night.

Rush back to have my dinner, Mom cooked friend rice and pineapple chicken today, not so hungry, but I finished it though. When I arrived church, I straight through to the seat I always go, friend I expecting to see is not here, but to sit alone second row behind you.

Today's sermon was good, indeed Rev Yong is a good speaker, the way he act, the way he preach, knowing that he is doing for God, and God enable him. So anointed, so much authority. Lips that move people's heart towards God, truely a gift. As the sermon end, it's time for praying again, as they do it every week for those who need a prayer, the truth is, I never go out and ask someone to pray for me, even if I really want someone pray for me, but something always holding me back, maybe I am a person who always try to solve my problem by myself, or fear of something. So close to the stage, but the heart is so weak that I can't even move one step.

I was so struggle, whether I should take the step out to pray, knowing that you was just standing beside me, but I really need healing, to think of what I want to pray, I want to tell Rev. about my lost relationship, about my health problem, about my work, my tiredness, things that no one will understand. But God know, He know all my problem, at that moment just whether I willing to take the step of faith again, after I stood there for ten minuites, I am moving forward, I can't believe myself is walking toward the stage, bringing all my heavy burden to the front, waiting for Rev. so that I can tell him my problem and he pray for me, as both Rev is praying for someone, I look up and Sing the words on the wall. Not long, suddenly someone stand in front of me, he is not Rev. but a church friend who I do not know very well, He did not ask me for my problem, he straight away pray, at first I really feel unsatisfied, feeling like all my heavy burden still on me, unable to express out, as he pray, I stood there, close my eyes and pray too, the friend keep praying that God is great, Jesus Christ die for us on the cross, wash away our sins, and keep repeating that, I just feel nothing.

Suddenly God is speaking to me, in my mind, He said: "Your problem is nothing. " I think God is just completely ignored my heavy burden, for Him, is doesn't worth anything. At that moment, I know I need to focus on God, instead of keep thinking of my problem, and this bring me back to the friend who is praying for me, what he pray is what I should listen, once again, God's wisdom is far beyond than anyone, God doesn't let me listen to the prayer that I want to listen, but He gave what I need in an extraodinary way.

As I walk back to my seat, passing you by, I saw your tears, a lot of tears, my heart was painful, I do not know what's making you cry, but I do not want to guess anymore, still remembered you tell me that I am self-centered? and I got pissed off last time? I guess you were right, I was. But this time, I felt so calm, my anger is gone, someone took it away, I do not know why you are crying, not wanting to know the reason, but sit down and just pray for you.

Tonight little down mood, as I keep thinking what I experience today.
Hope you get a good rest, and eat well. God Bless ler.... Nite.

To You...

It has been quite a long time since i update this blog. There is a lot to write but most of the time I don't have time or tired, maybe lazy. But all these is just my excuses. As usual, I didn't plan to blog, today is tired, staying at City Mall with colleague setting up our booth for the Bridal Fair. Things didn't go smooth today, not enough material to decorate our booth, end up hanging half way and waited half day, but there is good staff in this work place, willing to travel, willing to take ownership to make up solution, and yes, we did finish decorating, and it look nice too.

By the time we finish, it's time to rush to cell group. I was so tired, I was so rush, i was so struggling when i know today i am gonna see you, i don't know why. I sms few frens, ask them to pray for me, and thank God, it turned out well, I controlled myself quite ok, and I realized the situation is not that stress anymore, so happy to see you, so happy to see tracy, so happy to see melvin, aih...too bad, carol did not attend because she is sick....hope she get well soon.

I can't remember which day we got seperated, more than one month already, full of up and down at the beginning, slowly something calm me down, realizing that things will be better. Actually I am quite comfort with the current situation between you and me now, i am not saying that breaking up is good, but i see God's arrangment, it's so great, it's full of wisdom. I am so glad that i met you, and still the same until now, yes, I said that i still haven't fully recovered, it is because I really put a lot of hope for this time, never thought of break up actually. From the day I met you untill now, I am so happy that I go through so many with you even it is only 9 months, not only happiness but also include sadness and sorrow, indeed I take a lot of pain, but I know you too. After the big cry that night, I feel a lot better and definitely learned. All this with you have come to past, but I cherish every moment, tonight's cell group is relaxing, everyone is able to share more, so glad to see that, so glad that we can be like friend again.

hmm, what present should I buy for your birthday ler?

Paralyzed....

It's been a long time since I update this blog, busy or lazy? Back to KK from KL almost 1 year, life here isn't that relaxing like I thought last year, but i still thank God that I'm still in one piece sitting in office, blogging. Work? Many.... never can finish, but there is something more important than these works.

It's my relationship with God, kinda backslide recently, thinking that life is miserable as I can't do anything about it to make it better, nothing much happening, life in KK is so routine, going same places meeting same group of people eating same kind of food, feeling too safe and feeling too dangerous at the same time as I am not doing what I suppose to do, I have tons of ideas of I what I want to do, but I'm not able to, I myself chose not to be? and I realize that I had changed to a conservative person, I want to see different things, but when it approaches me, fear will come.

I always want to see miracle, but not expecting it, I never did, even if miracle is happenning in front of my eyes, I would still think that it is not a miracle and convince myself with scientific theory or just a coincidence. I am raised in a freethinker enviroment before I accepted Christ, 3 years being christian, I do not see big changes in myself, I don't know I am better or worse, but transformation is so hard, the further I walk with it, the harder it comes to be, it seems so easy at the beginning, so passionate so much faith in everything I did when everything go smooth and surrounded with helpful friends, but I didn't know a slight dissapointment will cause me to worry of what I am believing or doing? I realize that my faith for God is not that big after all, they say people who does not trust or love God, hardly can trust people too, and now I think it is true. But what keep me away from all the good things? Maybe seeing nothing miracle or good testimony but miserable matters from others; or the debt I am having now? heavy financial commitment drive my mind crazy; maybe staying too long in the comfort zone and having too much fear to go out anymore?;or I am enslaved by something else and cannot reach out for the things I really need.

I see things differently sometime, I see things & people around me from far away as if I myself is God. Subconsciously judge or predict in a way that can be calculated, and seldom do confrontation and keep it to myself. Still remember when I was young, I like to guess what people is thinking, guessing what is the next step people would do in such situation, I like study people's reaction, some of my friends say I should go for psychology school, but I did not, thinking that psychology itself is not better than my thought, as if I am God himself. When something happen, I often to take myself out of the situation, and do my calculation from far away, as if God is not in control, I am. I know God control everything, but my habit to think without God keep coming back to me. I am suffering, between myself and God, the son have no words to his Father for months, praying merely a try try thing for me full with doubt, slowly, I am not able to speak to God anymore, just a few word will be enough for my prayer. Is not that I don't try, my heart is begging for help from God, but my mind is just empty.

I am seeking for solution, something or someone that can stir up my passion for God again and eternally.

Please pray for those who can't. Pray for me, so that I can pray again with passion.

Biscuit that melt in your mouth....

err.... i think the biscuits are not fully baked yet, maybe i will try again next time...haha...

二零零八年八月十三日 六时十七分三十七秒。。。

.....seeking

Get Connected...

你是花。。。

你象花一样开朗，带给我许多的快乐！

新工作，新心情。。。

感谢上帝，要得到这份新的工作，比我想象中还容易，不知是我厉害，还是这个公司紧着要人，才收我的，不过无论如何，要感谢上帝给我这份工作，希望在这个新的地方学新的东西，好让以后自己有机会创造自己的天地，上帝赐我容易在任何地方适应的能力，往往自己就不懂什么地方才是最适合自己的。希望神在给我多一个智慧，就是寻找自己一条肯定的去路。

第一天上工，去到公司，有楼上有楼下，楼下是印刷厂，楼上是office,上到楼上，一打开门，就是一个大厅，哎？必须脱下鞋子，才能进去,进去过后，就看到老板娘在房间里，她就跟我说：“Hi, Wilson,你的房间在隔壁。” 一望过去，哗！我的房间好大，大概可以容纳五个人的工作范围吧，里面有一台电脑，两台大printer,一台scanner, 两封墙放满参考书的书架，房间还大过我老板娘的，但只有我一个人工作，第一天还真闷的，公司里有三个老板，但都常出去的，看来以后的日子，大多数是一个人过咯。老爸娘他们对我很好啦，时间到了就会叫我回家，哈哈！去哪里找？最不喜欢的就是他们都抽烟的，我对烟特别敏感，闻到的话心情就会不好，好臭！！！所以他们一抽烟，我就会马上把我的“大门”（哈哈)关上。这只是做了两天的影像，so far so good.

.............(好戏在后头)

说不出来的。。。

心里不能说出来的思念，谁能明白？不想再说，因为害怕失去，害怕痛苦。曾对你说过，互相交换答案，但自己选择了不交换，虽然我说大家都懂答案是什么，不需要交换，其实你想什么，我一无所知，真的很想知道，但是我比以前的我更害怕，更小心，原谅我，可以吗？我不知该怎么办，也不知现在自己做得对不对，我需要耐心，神啊，可以帮助我吗？我就来撑不住了，我以前的错，让我不能全心全意，怕伤害别人，我不想这又是苦的。

Midnight Activity & Beautiful Place

Sutra Harbour

Tanjong Aru

Nicole ^^

体会从未体会的。。。

在新的工作环境做工，一个月多，没什么特别的，平平淡淡地过，发生了很多事情，但都不是我的事情，只是觉得有责任担心，搞得自己很烦。

但是每一天去工作，最开心就是见到他：

他是我表哥的儿子，六个月大，Baby 名字叫作“Isaac”， 我最初开始工作，见到他，没什么特别，就是觉得他很可爱咯。每一天表哥和表嫂，都会带Isaac到店里自己照顾，虽然需要很多时候照顾Isaac, 但我觉得这样很好，怎样说，自己的孩子，自己照顾是最好的。Office里也放了baby床，好让Isaac早上吃饱，就睡觉。到下午，Isaac就会起身了，吃饱午餐，他的妈妈，就会抱他出来，我看到他，就会很开心，想尽办法弄他笑，敲敲打打要他看过来，在做鬼脸，他就会笑个不停，他一笑，我就觉得更开心，他的两只收回拿起来，要我抱抱，但是刚开始工作，表嫂还不是很认识我，所以没有让我抱他咯，我也没有想到要去抱他，就是想弄他笑就对了，哈哈！

大概做了三个星期吧，也跟表嫂有的谈，慢慢我们也做了好朋友，表嫂忙了，就要我替她抱Isaac，当我一抱到Isaac的时候，他不但没有哭，还紧紧抓着我，脸部紧贴在我的胸口，哗！这种感觉，太温软了，Isaac最喜欢看镜子，每一次我都会带他去看镜子，他就会很开心地笑。

现在，我几乎每一天到能抱到Isaac,抱他我是最开心的。认识了Isaac,让我认识了自己，原来这比我想象中还更喜欢宝宝,抱着他，感觉好像做了爸爸。体会从未体会的感觉。哈哈，但我知道，现在还不是时候。

心情（二）。。。

今天跟昨天一样，放工后，心情如此沉重，为什么呢？汽油 明天又涨价了。。。气死人了！！！
8点半驾车回家，哗！塞车呐！全亚比的车都在排长龙，在明天涨价前，打满自己的油缸。我在两天前就打满了，嘻嘻！还好，我知道有一条shortcut回家。由Rm1.90升到Rm2.70, 八角呐，我的小车打满缸需要Rm57左右，现在需要Rm82左右呢。没办法，要骑脚车去上班了，哈哈！
其实有很多让我心烦的事想写，但写了又如何，而且又不方便写出来，我期望那一个朋友能够在我身边，听我分享，为我分担，这样会更好，可惜她在那遥远的地方。

心情。。。

今天工作后特别累，心情特别沉重，又为了她而担心，当朋友问起她的事情，想起她所作的一切，我就会很生气，生气她为什么那么冲动，生气她为什么还要走回那一条旧路，难道她还不明白我们之前的问题出现在哪里吗？真得很不想再提起她的事，但偏偏，朋友一问起，我就会告诉朋友她的状况，希望他们都能为我和她祷告，希望上帝会派天使去劝她，带领她。不想在想，但是真的让我不能不想，很担心，，，真的很担心，但我无能为力。谢谢关心我的朋友，谢谢你们。
在亚比工作时间长，星期一到星期天，早上10时到晚上8时（今天做到9时），但为了星期天要去崇拜，就和老板交待每逢星期天不做，星期四要早退去小组。哎！今天出粮了，很少叻，不够用，又烦多一样东西。正想办法如何让自己的月入更上一层楼。哈哈！

刚看完一个朋友的 blog，他写得好长，又是为了感情问题而写的， 看了之后，觉得他好像以前的我，在西马生活了五年，什么东西都有，看了不少，无论工作上，感情上，对很多事情都改观了，五年累积下来的经验是我以前从来没有遇过的。

在去西马之前，虽然知道很多事情，就以为自己比一般人懂事，比其他人成熟，有时还做了人家的军师，还能给别人一大堆的“金玉良言”，全都是从看戏的对白学回来的，或者是听一些所谓有经验的朋友说的，真正懂不懂，又是另一回事，只会想一大堆解决事情的方法，但没有真正去了解对方的心情和需要。当发生在自己身上时，却没有想到自己是如此脆弱。

很多事情不是发生在自己身上，是不能体会到那些真正的感受和痛苦，亲身经过了无数的挫折和错败感，才能真正去“懂”自己之前对别人说的“金玉良言”是什么。这些日子，学会了 聆听，体会，和品尝。到了现在，我不敢说自己是成熟的，而我也不觉得自己成熟，还有更多更恐怖的事情还没有遇过，还有更难的路在前面要我自己做决定。。。

但不管是什么路，最安全的方法，就是与主同行。。。

Don't know what to do...

Last night I went to Church, I met pastor, He is caring about my past, asking me how am I, and any updates. Well, my ex and I had no contact since break off on 14th of February.

Just after pastor question about it, I received a msg from her, saying that she is getting married soon, and ask me to bless her. I am thinking, I know her too well, that she is rush in making decision and always do wrong decision, or I don't understand her at all. It's ok that she is getting married, I am happy for her, the thing that keep stiring my mind is, she is marrying with a malay muslim guy.

There is 2 things in my mind when I received such news from her, First, I am not surprise, I feel Angry, worry but helpless, I wish to call her and scold her like last time when we were together when she did something wrong, but i realized I cannot do that anymore coz i am no one to her now, I can't do anything.

Second thing is, she make decision too fast, and marrying to a muslim, I wish i can bless her with all I can, but I don't know how.

First thing i do is to ask God for forgiveness, and guidance. Forgive me that I had an angry heart, forgive her that she had done wrong, Pray God will guide me what to do next, and guide her out of there. My heart & mind is in a mess, Pray that God will bring peace to both of us.

New Life

Tanjung Aru Beach Sunset...

Romantic Moment

New Life? aiks, sounds like some multi level marketing company name....lol, anyway,

Quite sometime already I haven update my blog since I came back to KK from KL on 30th of April.
Just manage to get online few days ago. Back here not much difference, life here is more relax and money saving. I start working once I am back here, so not much time to lingering around, coz i don't want to waste time, learning to do business from uncle, but seems that I do not like the job now, I am just temporary working there and still finding some design freelance job to do, slowly switch back to design and advertising field. I hope so la...

Met some ex-classmates and churchmate, get to know some new friends in church as well. They are nice.

Mommy is working late

This is My first self-made scarf, cool eh?

Mentari Night View

A white Ladybird in my house garden

Naughty Cat

Fat & Sleepy

Farewell at Summer Steamboat

I Love You Guys..... Thank you for the Wonderful Dinner. I am so Happy.

wahh....first round, see everyone is so happy...

oi? Ket Hon ler?
Oh no~Kitt is taking food edi~!!!

Delicious >

《 Oh?

俊男 ？！

有俊男当然有美女啦 〉〉

Jean Tan说，

这样子拍，没有这样肥。。。

我最喜欢这一张

愿你们开开心心。。。

wah。。。。。。Nice

又想什么？？？